These rules are maxims since the beginning of parenting and shall remain so until the end of time. As certain as gravity is pulling things down, these laws are fixed:
#1 – When you really need to hear something important, your kids will find a way to be so loud they will drown out what you need to hear (especially when you are on the phone).
#2 – Whenever you are about to have your family picture taken, one of your kids will secure a black eye, scratch across the face, or anything of that nature that might be used in the future as evidence that you are an abuser.
#3 – Whenever someone lends you a CD or DVD for a few days, you kids will find a way to scratch it so that you have to covertly buy another one to replace it.
#4 – If your child says he feels like he is going to throw up, he will…before you can get him to the bathroom or off of the carpet/rug.
#5 – If you accidentally say something confidential in front of your child, the secret will be revealed in the most public and embarrassing way.
#6 – Whatever you hope does not get broken…will.
#7 – If you have a van, at some point a child, unbeknownst to you, will turn on a dome light which will drain your battery overnight, and always the night before an important morning meeting.
Can you think of some more?