Laws of Parenting

These rules are maxims since the beginning of parenting and shall remain so until the end of time. As certain as gravity is pulling things down, these laws are fixed:

#1 – When you really need to hear something important, your kids will find a way to be so loud they will drown out what you need to hear (especially when you are on the phone).

#2 –  Whenever you are about to have your family picture taken, one of your kids will secure a black eye, scratch across the face, or anything of that nature that might be used in the future as evidence that you are an abuser.

#3 – Whenever someone lends you a CD or DVD for a few days, you kids will find a way to scratch it so that you have to covertly buy another one to replace it.

#4 – If your child says he feels like he is going to throw up, he will…before you can get him to the bathroom or off of the carpet/rug.

#5 – If you accidentally say something confidential in front of your child, the secret will be revealed in the most public and embarrassing way.

#6 – Whatever you hope does not get broken…will.

#7 – If you have a van, at some point a child, unbeknownst to you, will turn on a dome light which will drain your battery overnight, and always the night before an important morning meeting.

Can you think of some more?

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